I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
