a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Randomize
