the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
