clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
