After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
