I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
