remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize