Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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