Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize