Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
