youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
