Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
