I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
