i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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