he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
