Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize