What a fucking waste of an outfit
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
