I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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