I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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