You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's blow job season.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
