Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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