I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
