Sry I called you an 8
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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