We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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