Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's blow job season.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize