Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
