Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize