I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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