I wanna passion pit in your ass
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
