i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
