do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
