Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
