Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
