I got chris browned last night
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
