if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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