party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
