Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize