Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
then he tried to convert me to islam
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize