The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
