let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
