My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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