I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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