I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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