Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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