tonight lets celebrate not being married
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize