too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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