This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
