oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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