I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
