just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
