the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
