Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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