4 words: hood of his car
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize