If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
