theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
