she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
