I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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