apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
