im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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