it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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