He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
