I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
