I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
