You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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