she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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