Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
