She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize