I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
