i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sober January is a disaster.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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