So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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