youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
