We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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