Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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