STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
