First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
