she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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