oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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