i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
