is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
