I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
