I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
