Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
