if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
