Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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