I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
