There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
