don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
