I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
